July 6, 2007

• Verbal Meanderings

  So my dear wonderful, amazing man got me Xanga ProLifetime for my birthday! I had mentioned quite a while ago that is something I would really love to get when we had a bit of extra money and could afford it.  He remembered and then did it.  <happy sigh> I haven’t yet figured out nearly all the cool stuff that goes with Pro but am looking forward to learning.

  I caught myself thinking something the other day that was worrisome to me.  When I used to baby sit and Nanny on a regular basis one thing that often bothered me was many Mom’s tendency to say “My child/children” with their husbands standing right there.  It was a small thing, and yes, indeed they were her children but they were also his.  It just seemed like that little word “mine” in regards to children was an ownership issue with many women.  At the time I promised myself that I would not take over complete “ownership” of our child/children in my speech or thoughts when I got married.  The other day Noelle was sleeping on our bed looking so sweet, so precious and so wonderful.  And the thought crossed my mind… “I am so thankful for my beautiful baby!”  Ironic that would be the context for that thought to pop up considering she is an absolute clone of her Father as far as looks and even personality go. 

  As I laid down next to her I started thinking about what it would mean if she really were only “my” baby…I would be a single Mom having to work full time.  Considering what my last job paid I probably would barely be making ends meet for myself much less a little one.  Having to work full time and over time I wouldn’t be able to nurse and so would have to put her on formula.  She would also have to be taken care of most of the time by someone else…Probably in less than desirable circumstances like a day care with 20 other infants and two or three workers to care for them all.  Being in the the environments that we would be in, eating the foods that we would be eating and not having any extra money for immune building/health support supplements we would likely often be sick. This would equal time off of work which would equal reduced pay check and also Dr.’s visits and prescriptions to be paid for.  There would be no one to take over and make me rest after a full day of work when she was fussy.  No one to comfort and care for both of us.  No one to pay all the bills and handle all the financial paper work.  No one to be there for us to pick up all the pieces when life just fell apart.

  It was an interesting mental exercise that filled my eyes with tears of gratitude for the fact that I have the blessing of being able to say “our” baby.  I hope I won’t take it for granted again. 

  • 5:35 pm
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