September 19, 2007

• Relationship Muddles…

  Relationships are such complicated things.  Can’t live without them at least on some level or another.  People are just a fact of life.  Interactions and therefore relationships of some sort are a part of every single persons life.  Nothing has ever caused me so much confusion, consternation, hurt, frustration, happiness, joy or sadness as relationships.  Recently my husband had an interesting encounter with an acquaintance/friend of ours.  There was some mis understandings on both sides with the end result being hurt and confusion on the part of both parties.  After a rather long period of time due to an extremely busy schedule he went back to this friend with apologies for the delay, as well as additional apologies, explanations and communication regarding the incident that had come between them.

  As he worked on writing up this e-mail I was anything but a supportive wife.  He would ask my opinion and I would give him a look as if to say “If you must waste your time on this…”  And then I would reluctantly give him my opinion on how he might better word something or other. My cynicism came from years of attempted communications per Biblical instructions among Christian Brethren ending badly.  No, make that disastrously.  Life taught me that brothers and sisters in Christ just don’t like you going to them with anything regarding relationship problems unless you are willing to apologize and take responsibility for 100% of whatever the problem might be.  Cuz, after all, they just don’t have problems with people that might be due to wrong doing on their fault, or even PARTLY due to their own bad behavior.  The best result I ever saw from this process was an awkwardly restored relationship at best.  I never witnessed Sweet, deep and loving fellowship restored.

  This time though, I was in for a shock.  Not only was his apology graciously accepted and unconditional forgiveness extended, a deep and sincere apology for wrongdoing was immediately forthcoming as well.  I literally got tears in my eyes as I read the e-mail he got in response.  It humbled me.  Made me desire to have a heart open to correction and humble enough to not immediately respond defensively if approached about an area that I am in error on any level. 

  Today was a day full of problems for me.  I was irritable, overwhelmed, stressed and as a result spoke sharply to just about everybody I had contact with.  I took no time to speak sweetly to our baby and enjoy her beautiful smiles as she gazed up into my face but complained bitterly about how fussy and clingy she was and how she impeded my ability to accomplish the tasks that needed my attention.  My brother came to me and addressed what he was seeing.  Immediately bitter words of frustration rose to the tip of my tongue.  How DARE he point out a little irritability on my part?  Did he have ANY idea what sort of stress and pressure I was under, or how very overwhelmed I am by the multitude of tasks that are not getting done??  How would HE feel to have to tote around a drooling nuisance all day while trying to do half a dozen things at one time??? But as the sharp words were about to slip out I saw his face and the expression of concern in his eyes.  He wasn’t judging me, or pretending to understand.  And he certainly wouldn’t have braved facing my wrath if he didn’t genuinely care for ME, and my attitude and behavior.  I avoided eye contact and quickly left the room.  First thing on my to do list is to apologize to him in the morning for being unkind and hurtful in the way I spoke to him today but also, to thank him.  Thank him for caring enough to come to me.

  My request to God is that He would keep me humble.  Keep me aware.  Keep me willing to hold open the doors of potentially hurtful communications from those I have relationships with.  Enable me to see my wrong.  And keep me always fully aware of His oh, so wonderful love and grace.

  Now I am off to apologize to my wonderful man for being the sort of woman any man would want to hide from today. 

  • 2:16 am
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