• The Arrogance of being Right

    Whatever brand of Christian you happen to be chances are you think you have some basic stuff figured out. Some good stuff. Important stuff. Concepts, beliefs, principles that define you and the culture that surrounds you and your family. This goes for what you believe doctrinally (or DON’T believe, whatever the case might be) to how you believe a Christian should present themselves in clothing, hair styles, food choices etc etc etc. The subjects and objects of “rightness” are as endless as the daily decisions we make.

    Most Christians whether they verbalize it or not feel like it’s their “duty” to be right. I mean, if we are not right then what are we doing saying we have “the answer” or “the key to salvation” or anything worth sharing, worth standing on, worth defining our lives by at all? If we are not right in what we believe then how can we say the rest of the religions of the world are wrong?

    There is a structure of growth in scripture that Paul specifically spells out. The concept of spiritual maturity being able to eat meat vs. those who still need milk and are spiritual “infants” This means we are all in stages of growth. Stages of understanding. Stages of freedom. Stages of insight. I don’t see scripture touting the concept of a grand finale, a marked point of arrival, a ding ding ding moment of realization and recognition for having figured all of the essentials out. It’s a process. It’s a process because it’s supposed to be based out of a relationship. Relationships are organic, they grow with due process. Our understanding and belief’s as Christians should be growing and changing as we learn from each other, challenge each other, wives submit to husbands, iron sharpens iron, fires of life refine who we are from the inside out.

    Most of my young growing up years were spent in churches that were predominately Armenian although I don’t remember ever hearing the term much less understanding what it meant until sitting under the teachings of a Calvinist Pastor in my teens. In my early teens the church we were attending called a Pastor that for all practical purposes was a Calvinist. Within the next year there was a huge shift in our family that left my head spinning and me feeling lost from a doctrinal standpoint. It felt like from one day to the next we were now Calvinists and the whole structure of belief we had before was now wrong. My remaining year’s at home we attended churches that taught and believed the concepts of Grace touted by Calvin and Luther. I spent hours researching, reading, searching things out for myself and coming up with more questions than answers. Each “system” had gaps, each “system” required leaps of Faith where logic gave out and each “System” of belief had holes from a scriptural consistency standpoint. In my late teens and early twenties I went through an internal crisis of Faith. This mental war of what was the “right” belief and feeling so confused to my very core, reading the arguments and blanket criticisms of one side to the other left me feeling lost among the shadows of far more intelligent and learned minds than mine. I felt as though there were this great divide among all Christians (since then I’ve learned about many, many more massively dividing issues among believers but at this point in my life this was THE dividing issue) There were two sides and there was no reconciling between them. There was a divide as massive and insurmountable as the Grand Canyon. And it was SO important to be right on this all important doctrinal structure that everything else was to be sacrificed to it. I saw Believers treat each other worse than infidels. I saw fellowship broken. I’ve seen accusations of heresy and predictions of horrific judgments pronounced upon believers by other believers. All in the name of rightness so often called righteousness. There is no justification in the world of Christianity more accepted or justified for showing a lack of love than a division over a fundamental/core doctrine. We as a group treat unbelievers with far more love and grace than we tend to show each other when we become aware of differences.

    The lesson I learned in hindsight looking back on this stage of my life is that being right comes with a price. Being right and absolutely confident in that rightness means we often, intentionally or not make others wrong. When I look at my life in hindsight dividing it up in 3 to 5 year markers and doing a little evaluation at each of those markers I realize I am never in exactly the same place as I was previously. Perspectives and belief’s shifted. Were refined. Some were challenged and subsequently discarded. Yet, had you asked me at each of these “Markers” if I was confident in the rightness of where I stood I would have said yes. I could not have been comfortable enough to camp out in that “spot” had I not been. There is I believe within every thinking persons heart a desire to find a place to stand. A structure to believe in and thus to feel safe within as a net of belief. As Christians we are no different. We still have an innate need, a desire for the security of rightness. We research, seek, read, pray, search out until we find our next safe harbor in the storm of teachings. And we cling to that spot until something comes along that shakes it up and makes it an un-safe place and we start all over again but always seeking until we find that secure place to “land” in our understanding and human logic. We use these frameworks to determine who we will fellowship with. Who we will sit under for teachings. Who’s authority we will submit ourselves to. And, what we look like and how we act while we do all of this.

    I don’t mean to suggest that this is bad, or wrong. It’s a vital part to this growing process we are all on. However, I do believe our in the moment arrogance in where we are very often IS wrong. When our confidence in the absolute rightness of our structure of the year(s) is held on a pedestal to the exclusion of showing love to a fellow believer it is wrong. (Hah, or so says MY structure of the moment! silly )

    Something really clicked for me within the past few weeks. This concept of who we are in Christ to be nothing but a reflection back to Him. That our lives are to mirror Christ and the work He has done. This is not a new idea, just the implications of how that works is new. You see, how I always understood that to work is that we need to be careful as Christians to protect this “image” of Christianity. That we need to be good, we need to be pure, we need to be all things wonderful and right. That we need to hold to good standards. That these standards are vital and what everyone needs to see and notice about us first. That this image maintenance WAS the reflection of the work Christ has done in us. Being righteous and shunning or separating ourselves from those who do not have the same standards as ourselves so we would not be tainted by their lack of righteousness or their lack of good doctrine or whatever the reason might be. That all of this was representative of how Christ was good and right.  I don’t believe that is true anymore.

    I now believe we are to be transparent. We are to confess our sins one to another. We are to forgive each other. We are to own our struggles, our sins, those things we keep hidden, all in the name of protecting our Christian Image. If we are so good in and of ourselves, if we no longer have struggles, if we no longer sin, if we no longer have those moments where our human frailty completely shatters any illusions of pride and self worth the implication to others is we no longer have need of a Savior. There are many good people of many religions of the world. They are moral. They struggle to do the right thing and keep their conscience clear. They love their families. Give generously to those in need and are loyal to their countries. If we as Christians depend on the rightness of our structure of belief and the code of conduct that comes from it to differentiate us from the rest of the world and from the other religions of the world we have already lost the message we are to carry. Our Morality, Standards and Conservative Lifestyles are not enough and I have come to believe in many cases hurt the message. The Message of Love. Love being the differentiating characteristic. The one crucial, pivotal, unarguably supernatural element that sets our God, Our Savior, and Us as a people apart.

    John 13:34-35

     34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.

    35 By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

    John 15:11-13

    11 “These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. 12 This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.

    John 15:16-18

    16 You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you. 17 These things I command you, that you love one another.

    Romans 12:9-11  

    9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. 10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; 11 not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord;

    Romans 13:8-10

    8 Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law. 9 For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not bear false witness,”[a] “You shall not covet,”[b] and if there is any other commandment, are all summed up in this saying, namely, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”[c] 10 Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

    Romans 14:15

    15 Yet if your brother is grieved because of your food, you are no longer walking in love. Do not destroy with your food the one for whom Christ died.

    1 Corinthians 13:1-9

     1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned,[a] but have not love, it profits me nothing.4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
    8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part.10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.
    11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.
    13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

    1 Corinthians 16:14

    14 Let all that you do be done with love

    Galatians 5:6

    6 For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision avails anything, but faith working through love.

    Galatians 5:12-14

    12 I could wish that those who trouble you would even cut themselves off!
    13 For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. 14 For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”[a]

    Galatians 5:22-23

    22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.

    Ephesians 4:1-3

     1 I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, 2 with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, 3 endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

    I worked with a Lesbian lady a few years ago who was completely open about her life-style. She remains to this day one of the most giving, open and loving people I have met. I often wondered why she went out of her way to show care to others when she had no “higher” motivation to do so (she was also a self proclaimed atheist who claimed no religion). She shared with me her story, growing up in a home with a highly abusive Father who beat her Mom regularly. As a small girl she vowed to never be weak enough that a man could hurt her, or to ever put herself in a position to be vulnerable to a man for the rest of her life. As a 40-something year old woman she had kept that vow to herself. Only women were allowed into the closest areas of her life. Men were kept at an emotional-and physical arms length. She was a woman acutely aware of her need for love and out of that high awareness she was reminded to show love to others. She met my husband Steve one time but learned the sort of man that he was by how he treated me. She told me “If I had known there were men like him, men who loved and cared for women my life might have turned out differently.” She also told me I was the only Christian she had ever met who treated her as a person and showed love to her. She told me once “We don’t have to be reminded how God feels about us. That is everywhere, every Christian we meet reminds us of how God hates us and the way we live. We are ignored and sometimes verbally abused by Christians trying to make sure we know how bad we are. We live with it. We know.” To be shown love as a person by a Christan was a totally novel concept for her. It was a stark object lesson for me in the reality of judgment and condemnation we a Christians dole out as a group. We, as a collective Christian body have left her and many others broken, hurt and damaged people with nothing. No hope and certainly no love.

    But we say it’s Ok, and even just. Because we are right and they are wrong.

    It’s the pure arrogance of rightness. And there has been a high price paid by many.

  • Processing Love…

    We will be leaving in a few days. The Doodlebug, Steve and myself. Flying to CA with the intentions of adopting a baby girl. She is scheduled to be born by C section on the 22nd of June. All of the plans, the preparations and the tasks of our super busy summer and lives were suddenly put on hold. Alternate plans made, schedules re-done, money and travel related finances worked out. Lawyers obtained in CA and TN. Communications between different parties. All this for a yet unborn baby girl that we don’t even know for sure if we will be able to keep.

    It feels very surreal. Wonderful but surreal. I’m typically not very good at this whole unknown thing. I like to make a plan. Back up plans. And then usually a couple of contingency theories just to even begin to feel safe. This time though, there is no back up plan. There is no plan B. It just will be what it is and we will either gain a daughter to our family or walk way having invested in the idea of a child that needs a family to love her. In the big scheme of things there really isn’t much of a risk factor. Except that there is…Because, you see, we want to adopt this baby. We want to raise her, to hold her, to care for her. That is what we desire. Disappointed desires can be a powerfully painful thing to walk through. Miscarriages were a practical life lesson in disappointed expectations. I’ve walked that road before and know how painful it can be if the focus is on my dreams, my desires and my “needs”.

    Right in the middle of our “Baby News” as I’ve come to call it one of my dearest friends got engaged! A collision of baby and wedding plans have been burbling around ever since.

    Been doing a lot of thinking about love as a result of these two life themes. Love of a man and a woman, choosing to dedicate their lives to only the other as long as they both shall live. Submitting themselves to this great challenge and task before God and other believers. It is not a course of action for cowards or for those who are out to play safe with life.  The path of being a parent, especially close to home and poignantly an adoptive parent is also a different walk of love. Laying down your freedoms, your independence, your resources. Time, money, emotional energy, yourself for a little person that is nothing but a bundle of need. It is not a path for those who fear heart and emotional pain.

    Love means pain. Love means letting go of our needs. Love means saying goodbye sometimes before we feel it’s time. Love means letting go of the object that we love when it’s time to. Love means letting someone or something else take precedent over ourselves

    Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his life for a friend.

    I used to think this meant the literal, giving up ones life breath for someone. Like, seeing an accident about to happen and throwing oneself in the way to save another’s physical life. I still think that but now, I think it also means something else. The literal laying aside of our life of preferences, of wishes, of emotional needs to care for someone else. Dying to that inner man of desires and needs. Offering our lives up, our conveniences, our luxuries. I think the latter is a lot harder for me than the former. Deciding to give my life for another in a physical sense in an emergency is easy.  A snap decision aided by a chemical cocktail surge headed by adrenaline. Deliberately choosing to give my life up for another is much harder. It’s harder in a marriage. It’s harder as a parent. True love is tough as nails and no path for the selfish.

    I think this is why we are taught to pray…Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

    When we act or pray in our will it usually is not out of love for another.

    Thy will be done

    In our hearts
    In the life of this baby
    In the future marriage of this wonderful couple

    Even if we have to let go, and say good-bye
    Even if she goes somewhere else
    Even if marriage means letting go of someone you’d rather hang onto
    Even if it hurts..
    A lot.

    Thy will be done.

  • He makes all things beautiful in His time…

    One year ago today we lost our most recent baby. I have always thought of her as a girl although it was too early to tell gender for sure. She was so incredibly tiny and precise in every detail. Was amazing to see the little one suspended in her little cocoon of amniotic fluid in such flawless perfection.

    In many ways dealing with losing this baby was more difficult than any of our other losses. The reality seemed much more “real” as far as the implications of having lost a future child. Having our beautiful little girl and living with that incredible gift on a daily basis brought home the loss a lot harder. We did not name her, have never felt a need to come up with names for our lost babies.  She was buried by the little peach tree in the back yard.

    Different days have been a struggle this year for me on an emotional level. Her due date coming by with us having no baby was hard. The Holidays were harder still. Kept thinking that I had expected to be able to have our baby in my arms by then. I had expected that today, the one year anniversary of her loss would be really difficult.  It ended up being a celebration of where my life is now instead of a time of grief over what was lost. God’s goodness never ceases to amaze me.

    Spent some time by the tree where we buried her this afternoon. While I was there a name came to me out of the blue. It isn’t a name that I’ve ever thought of for any of our children. It was like a moment of recognition and realization that this simply is her name. As simple as that. Even the spelling is not what I would have chosen. It looked beautiful as I reviewed the unusual spelling. And it felt just right as I said it out loud.

                                Kaitlyn Anne

    Elegant, beautiful and precise just like she was. It one sense it felt so odd to have a name for her, especially since it is not something we have felt a need have with any of the other babies. It just felt right. Complete. And completely peaceful. Brought a smile to my face and lifted my spirits as I thanked God for allowing Kaitlyn Anne to have been with us for even such a brief time.

    When I went inside I immediately went to look up the meaning of the names online. Although the spelling of Kaitlyn was unusual as I read the meaning a lump grew in my throat. Tears spilled over as I read the meaning of Anne. The combined meaning of the two names was incredible.

                                      Pure and Favored Grace

    If this name and it’s meaning had been given to me last year my grief would have kept me from appreciating it. Would have felt like a mockery of our loss. Receiving it a year down the road, with the ability to look back on what this year has held puts me on my knees in gratefulness.  God has used this wee one’s absence in our lives in a powerful way in this past year. In some ways it has been the hardest year by far in our marriage. Very deep subjects dealt with and worked through in our marriage, our family and home structure that were in many ways a result of our emotional processing of her passing.  It is never something I would have chosen but the beauty that has come of it and the richness we have gained as a result cannot even be measured.

    We have truly experienced pure and favored Grace this year. It is a beautiful thing. The perfect healing synopsis of this year. Our precious Kaitlyn Anne will always be loved and remembered. So grateful to God for the comfort He never fails to bring even when it is least expected.

  • Pilot Study on WAP Diet, Dr. Beverly Rubik

    Pilot Study on WAP Diet, Dr. Beverly Rubik

    Live Blood Analysis of Persons Consuming the Weston A. Price (WAP) Diet:
    A Pilot Study
    Beverly Rubik, Ph.D.
    Institute for Frontier Science
    6114 LaSalle Ave. PMB 605
    Oakland, CA 94611
    November, 2009
    Introduction to Live Blood Analysis
    Live blood analysis involves visual examination of freshly drawn peripheral blood under conditions of fasting viewed under an optical microscope. The blood is observed in their native state without any preservatives. This test is used to provide information about the nutritional status and the biological terrain. The test requires a dark-field or phase contrast microscope, and the data, consisting of images of the blood, are recorded using a high-contrast videocamera attached to it.

    Some of the factors observed during live blood analysis are the following: (1) size and shape of the red blood cells; (2) stickiness and aggregation of red blood cells; (3) aggregation and motility of white blood cells; (4) presence or absence of platelet aggregates and the clotting protein, fibrin; (5) relative level of chylomicrons (lipid particles); (6) crystalline deposits (for example, cholesterol); (7) presence of unusual particles in the plasma (for example, particulates of hair dye); (8) microbes and parasites; and (9) appearance and stability of the red blood cells over time.

    Research Questions for the Pilot Study

    - What do we observe in live blood analysis of persons on the Weston A. Price diet?
    - What similarities and differences do we see in the blood for those on the Weston A. Price diet?
    - How does the blood of those on the Weston A. Price diet look compared to those eating conventional modern diets of processed foods, including organic foods?

    Method and Procedures
    An announcement of the study was emailed to the membership of the WAP Foundation in the San Francisco Bay Area to help recruit subjects. Prospective candidates were asked to complete a 3-page questionnaire. The 8 best subjects were selected from the respondents to participate, based on the following criteria. Participates must be over 25 years old; have no serious illnesses or health conditions; take no prescription drugs; consume the WAP diet for at least the past 2 years; and conform to the principles of the WAP diet at least 80% of the time.

    Live blood analysis was done only once with each subject, who fasted at least 5 hours before testing. The blood factors were scored using a Likert scale questionnaire developed for live blood analysis. Photographs and short videos of the blood as seen under the microscope were made.

    Preliminary Results
    Data from this study are being compared to that for persons, matched for age, eating conventional modern diets, including organic foods. Preliminary analysis shows a constellation of factors that seem to be unique to those on the WAP diet compared to conventional modern diets:

    (1) Relatively less blood coagulation was observed initially, including less aggregation or clumping of red blood cells, less platelet aggregates (small cells that clump together to initiate blood clotting), and less fibrin (clotting protein).
    (2) After one hour, very little or no fibrin and hardly any blood clotting was observed.
    (3) The level of chylomicrons (lipid particles) observed in the blood was relatively high.
    Further analysis of data is still underway.

    Preliminary Conclusions and Discussion

    Preliminary results suggest that for those on the WAP diet, blood congestion is considerably less than for those on conventional modern diets. Blood coagulation (clotting) is not apparent initially and is also inhibited for up to one hour. This is important, because early blood clotting is linked to inflammatory processes in the body. That is, when biochemical inflammatory pathways are turned on in the body, the blood clots faster, because inflammatory factors cause platelets to aggregate, blood cells to stick together and clump, and fibrin to form. On the other hand, when inflammatory pathways are not activated, then these processes do not take place, and blood clotting is inhibited.
    Chronic biochemical inflammation is believed to be an underlying cause of virtually all the chronic degenerative diseases, including cardiovascular disease, cancer, and arthritis. Therefore, preventing chronic inflammation in the body is believed to be central to preventing chronic disease.

    The relative absence of inflammation seen in the blood of persons consuming the WAP diet is not surprising. It is consistent with the WAP philosophy of eating natural whole foods that are fresh, wholesome, and unprocessed, except for the use of fermentation to make nutrients more accessible while breaking down toxic constituents in foods such as grains. Healthy foods “tell” our bodily tissues not to initiate inflammation, because there is nothing to fight. Such whole foods have less toxic constituents in them compared to conventional processed foods such as cereal flakes produced by heat, and the pasteurization of milk, which lead to denatured proteins that may be antigenic and cause the body to initiate the biochemistry of inflammation to fight them. Moreover, the high probiotic content in the fermented foods of the WAP diet would be expected to facilitate a healthy colon, thus preventing problems such as leaky gut syndrome, whereby undigested proteins leak into the blood stream activating the inflammatory cascade. Therefore, it would be expected that for persons consuming the WAP diet, there would be less activation of allergic reactions and other inflammatory processes in the body.
  • Wise Traditions, 2009: Radical Medicine, Dr. Louisa Williams

    As some of you know Steve generously paid for myself and a few others to attend the Weston A. Price Foundation Conference in Schaumburg IL.  We learned a LOT and are incredibly grateful to have attended. Going to post PDF and personal notes from the different speakers on facebook and this blog over the next few days.

    Wise Traditions, 2009: Radical Medicine, Dr. Louisa Williams

    Word of caution: Although her information is excellent and I trust the results she is getting she covered some very “weird” therapies at the end of her session. Definitely outside of my comfort zone and I suspect a lot of my readers as well. It is however educational and fascinating. 

    EXCELLENT references to specific studies in this to facilitate personal research. 

    Personal favorite part: Middle Bottom there is a bolded section that says “Five Day Post Mercury Filling Removal” Highly recommend that as a good protocol to use post filling removal/replacement.

    Please post any comments, questions or discussion points in the notes! =) She verbally covered some ground that the PDF notes do not so if there are any questions one of us that was there listening might remember something to clarify/fill in blanks with.

    <b>Wise Traditions, 2009: Radical Medicine, Dr. Louisa Williams</b>

    <i><b>Wise Traditions 2009: Honoring the Sacred Foods
    Radical Medicine
    Dr. Louisa Williams</b></i>

    Radical Medicine = true Holistic Medicine
    1. Radical defined:

    A. “Extreme, revolutionary, anti-establishment, not average…”

    B. Pertaining to that which “goes to the roots or origin…”

    C. “Having a fundamental or far-reaching effect…” “Extreme, revolutionary, anti-establishment, not average…”

    2. Eating organically and according to the wise traditions of our foremothers, and avoiding drugs and surgery, is unlike the average American and – radical!

    A. Organic food dramatically protects children from toxic pesticides/ a “significant plunge” (Emory University study, 2005, Environmental Health Perspectives)

    B. Allopathic = The form of medicine taught to MDs and DOs that uses treatments antagonistic and suppressive to disease symptoms (anti-inflammatories, anti-histamines, etc.), or through surgical removal (append-ectomy, hyster-ectomy, etc.) (Pasteur – 1800s)

    C. The majority of Americans take prescription and over-the-counter (OTC) medications.

    3. The leading cause of death in America is allopathic medicine:

    A. “at least the 3rd leading killer” (Starfield, B., JAMA, Vol. 284, #4), (only included hospital deaths)

    B. Adverse Drug Reactions (ADR’s) – 4th to 6th leading cause of death over the last 30 years (1966-1996), (Lazourou, J., et al. JAMA, Vol. 279, #15, 1998) – (this study only included hospital deaths, and also only ADR’s from correctly prescribed medications – no ADR’s from medical errors tabulated)

    C. “Death by Medicine,” Gary Null, PhD, et al. Allopathic medicine the leading cause of death in America when inpatient and outpatient deaths are included.
    Pertaining to that which “goes to the roots or origin…”

    4. Latin root of radical = radix = root, Must diagnose the root cause of disease

    A. Diagnosis – dia-: “to see through,” -gnosis: in order to arrive at a “superior level of knowledge or understanding”

    B. Alzheimer’s Disease – “Mercury is a primary causative factor in Alzheimer’s.” Boyd Haley, PhD, University of Kentucky (Leong et al., University of Calgary, NeuroReports, 2001, 12, ((4)), 733-737.)

    C. Breast Cancer – 20 parabens, widely used preservatives in cosmetics and pharmaceuticals, were identified in breast tumors, and 18 out of the 20 identified originated from cosmetics. (Darbre, P., et al. J. Appl. Toxic., 2004, Jan.-Feb., 24 (1).)
    BIG LIST: EWG-Skin Deep (www.cosmeticsdatabase.com)
    CLEAN AND PERFORMS WELL: Best Bet’s List (www.radicalmedicine.com)

    D. Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) – Avoid and challenge gluten foods: wheat, spelt, triticale, kamut, oats, rye, barley – and teff and corn (very little gluten), and rarely buckwheat and millet (contain prolamine similar to gliadin). (Oats contain gluten-like avenin and may be tolerated.)
    Diagnosis: Elimination-Challenge test (the “gold standard”)
    Treatment: Removal of wheat/gluten foods; Gastric Comfort (www.enzymesinc.com); probiotics (www.bioImmersion.com)
    Having a “fundamental, thorough, and far-reaching effect…”

    5. Through Effective Treatments; 3 Major Areas of Healing
    PHYSICAL: Remove the “Obstacles to Cure:” mercury amalgam fillings, toxic petrochemicals in cosmetics and soaps, dental foci, major food allergy, dental wires/bridges that cross the midline, etc.). Detoxify, Repair/Regenerate: WAP diet, treat malocclusions/TMD, spinal/cranial manipulation, massage, exercise…”Support the terrain” (Bernard, Bechamp) – vs fighting the bug (Pasteur): eg, H Pylori protects children from asthma: gut flora balance, etc.
    PSYCHOLOGICAL: Quality psychotherapy and psychospiritual work
    ENERGETIC: Clear Dominant Foci and Scar Interference Fields (neural therapy from Germany, Auriculotherapy from France), Constitutional Homeopathy according to Sankaran from India.

    <b>What is Radical Medicine?</b>

    1. Out of the ordinary, anti-establishment, and not “average…”

    2. Diagnosis – What is the root – the core – cause(s) of the problem?

    3. Treatment – What is the most effective treatment(s)? – Physical, Psychological, Energetic


    “You Must Remove the Obstacles to Cure” Dr. Samuel Hahnemann

    1. Mercury then and mercury now: Profitable for pharmaceutical companies

    A. Calomel ointment – 1700s-1900s (treated syphilis mainly)

    B. Mercury amalgam fillings – 1800s to present

    C. Thimerosal in vaccines – 1900s to present
    Mercury Thimerosal in Vaccines
    Thimerosal in vaccines – Eli Lilly repackaged Merthiolate as a preservative in vaccines (although it was “unsatisfactory” for animals)
    1999 – FDA “requested” the removal of thimerosal
    1999 – American Academy of Pediatrics: although “the current levels of thimerosal in vaccines will not hurt children” this preservative will be phased out of children’s vaccines… (Tucker, M. Pediatric News, Vol. 8, #33, 1999)

    Researcher, Mark Geier, is a doctor with a PhD in genetics and a court-certified expert on vaccines. He has determined through numerous studies that Thimerosal is to blame and has this to say, “the current epidemic of autism may well be the greatest iatrogenic epidemic in history. The damage already done to our society is already in the trillions of dollars. The damage of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, and that of the AIDS epidemic pale when compared to the current epidemic of autism.”

    Geier Study: Children receiving thimerosal were over 10 times more likely to have
    autism: the children who received no thimerosal had no autism. (Pringle,
    E., www.opednews.com, 9/2/05)

    Evidence of Harm by David Kirby – Thimerosal statistics diluted and skewed.
    Thimerosal still in most flu vaccines; and in some tetanus, DT, DPT, Hep
    A, Hep B, meninogococcal, pneumococcal, rabies (www.thimerosal-news.com)
    Hep B causes brain damage in newborn monkeys. (Neurotoxicology, www.safeminds.com): Hep B triples the risk of newborn boys developing ASD (Gallagher, C. & Goodman, M. Annals of Epidemiology, Sept. 09)

    After just a 3-hour exposure, thimerosal causes cell membrane damage and death with only “very tiny” amounts. (Neurotoxicology, Jan, 2005. Koster, J. Health and Healing Wisdom, Vol. 29, Spring 2005, p. 19.)

    Aluminum compounds greatly increased now in vaccines: depletes minerals, targets myelin tissue (Petrik, Shaw, et al study of Gulf War illness: the first study in 80 years of aluminum use to examine the long-term effects of aluminum), signs/symptoms of aluminum poisoning: constipation, fatigue, numbness, paralysis, fatty liver, seizures, kidney degeneration, osteomalacia, etc.) Gay Langham-McNally, BS, CCN Reno, NV

    Effective?: There has never been a scientific study (double-blind, controlled) proving the efficacy of vaccines. (Null, G., Germs, Biological Warfare, Vaccinations, NY: Seven Stories Press, 2003, pp. 145-146.)

    Measles death rate steeply declined – 98% – between 1915 and 1958.
    Polio death rate declined: 47% (US) and 55% (England) between 1923 and 1953.
    After polio vaccines were introduced the incidence of polio actually increased in many states. (International Mortality Statistics, 1981, and www.thinktwice.com)

    Therefore, “THINK TWICE” before vaccinating:
    www.thinktwice.com, www.uninformedconsent.org
    www.safeminds.org, www.thimerosal-news.com

    Mercury Amalgam “Silver Fillings”
    Contains: Mercury – 49-54%; Silver ~ 35%; Tin ~12%; Copper ~ 3% (“copper amalgam” is 66% mercury and 33% copper highly unstable/
    toxic, releases 50x more mercury; CE approval from EU ); Zinc ~ 1%.

    “The Damage Done…” from Mercury Amalgams:
    Degenerative changes in brain within days (Stoertebecker, Sweden)
    Erethism = mental/emotional instability, “mad as a hatter,” (1700s)
    Mercury binds to sulfur-containing enzymes described as “cellular suffocation” (Jaffe, Russell, AABD) White blood cells rupture – “shadow cells” – causing chronic allergic
    and immune reactions (Kupsinel, J Orthomol. Psychiatry, 1984)
    Kidney and lung damage seen within months (Ibid)
    Dental Galvanism: “A physicochemical phenomenon when 2 or more
    dissimilar metals used to restore or replace missing teeth produce the flow of an electric current…” (Dorland’s Dictionary)

    Causes the rate of mercury corrosion to increase 10 to 20 times; “astronomical amounts” released (eg, 1200 ppm when 20 ppm is high)
    (Pleva, J. J. Orthomolecular Medicine, Vol, 4, #3, 1989)

    Mercury vapor escaping from a 50-year old amalgam filling (google “smoking tooth” or go to www.uninformedconsent.org)

    Fish a “distant second” – 2.34 mcg/day from fish versus 3 to 17 mcg/day from mercury amalgams (WHO). Refer to the Seafood Watch site to determine the most non-toxic fish at the www.montereybayaquarium.com.
    Holistic (Biological) Dental Organizations:
    IABDM (www.iabdm.org)
    IAOMT (www.iaomt.org)
    HAD (www.holisticdental.org) [DAMS (www.amalgam.org)]
    Holistic DDS:
    Uses clean materials (www.radicalmedicine.com); does not readily prescribe root canals; and proceeds carefully from:
    a filling>to a larger filling>to an inlay>to an onlay>and then, finally, a crown.
    Removes by quadrant: 1 quadrant at a time, pick highest galvanic area first.

    <i><b>“The 5 Dental Days Protocol:”</b></i>
    Based on a 1991 Swedish study: fecal excretion is 5 X higher; and the fecal excretion of mercury “enormous” the 3rd day (400 mcg in a 24 hour period) (= good day to get a colonic.) (Malmstroem, C.,ISTERH,Stockholm, 1992)

    Don’t get constipated! (80% mercury excretion thru colon)

    Karach’s Oil Pulling (sesame or coconut oil)

    Double the dose of supplements and gemmotherapy/PSCs

    Redose your homeopathic constitutional remedy

    3 Major Detoxification Remedies (vaccines and amalgams):
    Gemmotherapy/Plant Stem Cells (PSCs)
    Organic Sulfur
    Original Quinton Marine Plasma

    PSC/Gemmotherapy Herbal Remedies:
    Forza Vitale-Italy (www.plantstemcells.net), (631) 477-6696
    Herbal Base-Belgium (www.gemmos-usa.com), (877) 417-6298

    PSC remedies are made from the embryonic plant parts (seeds, buds, rootlets) of young plants. Unlike herbs from mature plants –PSC remedies are non-toxic, highly potent (eg, 3 drops versus 20 to 40 or more drops of adult herbs per dose), essential for detoxification, and regenerative (meristem cells located in the plant’s buds & roots are capable of continued cellular division). 

    PSCs that Detoxify Heavy Metals: Black Poplar – major remedy (“polycrest”)
    Mountain Pine – detoxes heavy metals and joint pain
    White Willow – detoxes heavy metals and anti-inflammatoryEuropean
    Alder – detoxes heavy metals, memory loss (tonsil focus), and detoxifies gut (food allergies, dysbiosis, etc.)

    Organic Sulfur:
    Patrick McGean at organicsulfur@sisna.com, (801) 290-2013
    “The forgotten essential element” – Carl Pfeiffer, MD, PhD
    3rd most abundant mineral in our bodies (1st: Ca, 2nd: Phos)

    Yet no RDA like calcium, magnesium, phosphorus, zinc, etc.
    US Academy of Sciences Food and Nutrition Board’s stance is that we get enough sulfur from proteins – cysteine and methionine. (Only small amounts of sulfur come from non-protein foods – garlic, onions, etc.) However, chemical fertilizers since the 1950s have greatly depleted the sulfur in our food chain. Organic Sulfur –no additives and not pulverized, therefore the crystal matrix remains intact (may need extra Calcium/Magnesium)

    Quinton Marine Plasma:
    This potent marine plasma (seawater) was discovered and harvested from oceanic plankton blooms in 1897. Plankton blooms are hundreds of miles wide, and contain more green phytoplankton than all the trees, shrubs, and grasses on land combined. These blooms act as a purification factory – inside the seawater is pristine (mercury levels tested lower than the lowest detectable limit). “There is a physiological similarity between marine plasma [seawater harvested in these plankton blooms] and blood plasma [the colorless fluid aspect of blood.” Rene Quinton (1866-1925)

    Quinton contains 92 basic elements and all the trace elements. Minerals are essential for production of enzymes, hormones, bones, ligaments, tendons, muscles, teeth, and blood...every aspect of metabolism. Quinton supplies a natural synergistic support for normalizing the blood, tissues, and cells.

    Order from www.originalquinton.com or call them at (888) 278-4686
    Isotonic – often begin with this dose (= blood plasma)
    Hypertonic – stronger, healthier, athlete (= seawater)

    Remove/Treat Toxic Chemicals

    Sadly ubiquitous: EWG study, Body Burden, 2002 – 9 healthy subjects tested for 210 chemicals. Found 91 industrial toxic compounds in every subject, 167 chemicals overall found. Of these 76 linked to cancer, 94 neurotoxic, 86 hormonal disruptors, 79 associated with birth defects or abnormal development.

    EWG study, Body Burden 2, 2005 – the cord blood of the average baby at birth contains at least 200 chemicals (placenta does not shield the fetus). 287 chemicals studied: 180 linked to cancer, 217 neurotoxic, 208 cause birth defects or abnormal development.

    Control what you can control:
    Air in home: Don’t buy toxic furniture, bedding, etc. (www.marycordaro.com)
    House Plants: Natural air purifiers (www.ei-resource.org)
    Air Filter: (www.mercola.com)
    Water Filter: Reverse Osmosis (www.radiantlifecatalog.com) and Violiv glass bottles (www.naturalhomesource.com)
    Food: Buy organic as much as possible (Emory University study, 2005, Environmental Health Perspectives. http://ehp.niehs.nih.gov/docs/2005/8418/abstract.html)
    Removal of Toxic Cosmetics, Soaps
    Soaps, detergents, etc. – only buy at the health food store
    Cosmetics, shampoo, lotions: health food store or mail order
    EWG list : Skin Deep (www.cosmeticsdata base.com)
    Best Bet’s List: Clean and performs well (www.radicalmedicine.com)
    Juniper PSC – detoxifies petrochemicals and major liver and kidney drainage
    Rye PSC – detoxifies aromatic hydrocarbons (benzene, toluene, xylene, etc. – the squalene in rye detoxifies xenobiotics) and a major liver drainage remedy

    Clear “Foci:”
    Foci Defined: A dominant focus is a relatively silent and asymptomatic localized area of nerve irritation and/or infection, which typically causes intermittent pain or dysfunction in other seemingly unrelated areas in the body (disturbed field).
    Most Common Foci in the Body: Dental, Tonsil, Sinus, Genital and Scars

    Holistic Physicians: Must understand that 70-90% of health problems arise in the teeth and tonsils (German neural therapists)

    Dental Foci: root canal teeth, dental implants, devitalized (dead) teeth, abscessed teeth, incomplete extractions, impacted teeth (eg, wisdom teeth)

    A focus is often silent – but its “disturbed fields” are not. The disturbed field is almost always ipsilateral to the focus = good diagnostic clue.
    “all pulpless teeth {root canal or devitalized/dead teeth], root filled or not, harbor so much danger of becoming infected that they should be extracted, though the time as to when they should be extracted will depend on several contributing factors…If the patient [has] a low defense, then [extraction] better be soon, but if the patient [has] a very high defense…I would advise to retain some of those root filled teeth.” Dr. Weston A. Price, 1926

    Diagnosis: Energetic testing extremely valuable, x-rays for dental foci valuable, and a thorough history/anamnesis is sine qua non (“When?” Is the most important question to ask).

    Tonsil foci: Have 5 typical “rheumatic” disturbed fields: Joints (rheumatoid arthritis), Heart (rheumatic fever), Kidneys (pyelonephritis, glomerulonephritis), Stomach/gut (gastric and peptic ulcers), Brain (chorea/PANDAS)

    PANDAS – Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with Streptococcal infection = chorea/Tourette’s (vocal, motor tics and OCD)

    Scar Interference Fields: Abnormal nerve fiber healing from a scar = ephapse vs synapse (Chronic Pain. Hooshang Hooshmand)

    Scar treatment: Neural therapy from Germany and Auriculotherapy from France

    Home treatment for an old** scar: Shea Butter (www.orgess.com)
    Notatum 4x or Kombo 4x drops (www.sanpharma.com)
    Massage the scar 1 time a day for 3 weeks. (** Do not interrupt the healing of new scars.) Treat all the scars on your body (umbilicus too). Allow any emotions to arise during this process = “psychogalvanic reflex.”

    Malocclusions (bad bites)
    Williams, L. Treating malocclusions, Wise Traditions, Fall 2009, Volume 10, #3, pp. 18-26.


    Constitutional Homeopathy according to Sankaran
    Samuel Hahnemann (1755-1843) founded homeopathy in 1789
    (First vaccine 1796, Edward Jenner inoculated with live cowpox = smallpox in cows)
    Earlier Hippocrates (460-373 BC) and Paracelsus (1493-1541) had also recognized that “like cures like” and the principle of using small amounts (minimum dose)

    <b>Homeopathic Principles:</b>

    The Law of Similars: “Like Cures Like.” For example, the remedy Allium cepa (red onion) can treat hay fever symptoms (watery discharge from eyes and nose), and Apis mellifica (honey-bee venom) can treat allergic skin conditions (itching, burning, stinging, swelling = all symptoms similar to a bee sting)

    <b>The Law of Minimum Dose:</b> The smaller the dose, the more potent (Arndt-Schulz Law). For example, a 200C potency is stronger than a 6C potency.
    The Law of Potentization: Potentizing is the process of diluting and then succussing the remedy. (Succussion is striking the homeopathic vial with an up and down motion against the opposite palm – Hahnemann found would liberate “the internal, spirit-like medicinal powers” of the remedy and render it more potent.)

    <b>The Law of Proving: Administer</b> small doses of a remedy to a healthy volunteer, and then record the symptoms that arise over the next few days/weeks/months. Hahnemann painstakingly detailed the exact methodology required to conduct a proving, which actually fits the highest standard of scientific inquiry (placebo-controlled, double-blind).

    <b>The Law of Cure: </b>Dr. Constantine Hering (1800-1880) proposed this principle.
    “Cure proceeds from above downward, from inside out, and in the reverse order of the appearance of symptoms.”

    Homeopathic History in the US:
    AMA founded in the mid-1800s to 1) Improve the standards of medical
    education, and 2) to eliminate homeopathy.
    Flexner Report 1910: Final death knell of homeopathy in America. Funded primarily by Rockefeller and Carnegie. (Although Rockefeller only received homeopathic care throughout his long life – he died at 97.)
    1900 – 22 homeopathic colleges
    1923 – 2 homeopathic colleges
    1950 – 0 homeopathic colleges
    (Presently only naturopathic physicians are trained in naturopathic medical schools in homeopathy.)

    Scientific Research: The Emerging Science of Homeopathy by Bellavite & Signorini, 2002.
    London hospital: 82% improvement in muscle/joint pain (as compared to control group – 21%)
    British Medical Journal: Reviewed 107 homeopathic trials and found 81% positive results (CVD, GI, hay fever, pain/trauma, psychological syndromes…)

    Homeopathic medicines as effective and safer than Prozac at treating moderate to severe depression. (Oxford University Press, July 09, double-blind, randomized trial)

    Homeopathic Family Medicine: Evidence-Based Nanopharmacology, Dana Ullman (200+ clinical trials reviewed)
     Nanotechnology – using subatomic particles in science and medicine

    Quantum physics now = the energy medicine of homeopathy: Hahnemann believed that at its depth, disease was not a physical phenomenon, but arises from a disturbed vital force. Further, disease can be arrested and cured through the nanopharmacology of homeopathic remedies.

    <b>Homeopathic Use in Epidemics:</b> Genus Epidemicus Remedies
    The 1849 cholera epidemic in Cincinatti: only 3% of homeopathic patients died (35 out of 1116), compared to up to 70% of allopathic patients.

    The great flu epidemic of 1918 – Although homeopathy was in decline due to the Flexner Report, 80% of those treated with homeopathy (e.g., Gelsimium, Eupatorium, Baptisia, Crotalus horridus, etc.) lived, while 80% of those treated with allopathy (prescription and over the counter drugs) died. (Naumann, E., Homeopathy for Epidemics, pp. 31-32)

    See www.marinnaturopathicmedicine.com for my flu recommendations.

    Acute vs Constitutional Homeopathic Prescribing:

    Acute: A remedy prescribed for a short period of time for a specific symptom or illness. For example, remedies prescribed for the flu (eg, Gelsimium), for bruising and trauma (eg, Arnica), for fever (eg, Belladonna), etc.

    Constitutional: A remedy prescribed for a patients’ overall mental, emotional, and physical disturbances for their entire life.

    Acute homeopathy has been clearly successful.

    Constitutional homeopathy has not – until the new Sankaran System in 2003.

    <b>The New Sankaran System of Constitutional Homeopathy:</b>
    Dr. Rajan Sankaran and his colleagues in Mumbai, India began teaching a new system in the early 1990s:
    1. That remedies could be classified according to their kingdom – plant, mineral, or animal

    2. That the sensation – the deepest feeling sense of the patient, even beyond the mind and emotions – can most accurately identify the patient’s constitutional remedy.

    3. And that it is only through the patient’s chief complaint that this deepest sensation level, and thus the homeopathic remedy, can be determined.

    A plant remedy is very sensitive and reactive to their environment.

    An animal remedy has issues surrounding survival and feeling like a victim (prey) or aggressor (predator).

    A mineral remedy has a chronic underlying sense of the need for structure and feels the incompleteness or lack of this structure.

    For example, a lion is a beautiful and majestic animal. However, the “song” of a lion is not harmonious in a human being, and creates dissonance and stress in this individual’s life when s/he behaves at times like this aggressive animal.

    The Other Song: Discovering Your Parallel Self
    “The correct plant, animal, or mineral remedy can dilute this non-human song until it ultimately fades and ceases to exist, and only the human melody is heard. This is the job of the homeopathic remedy.”
    Dr. Rajan Sankaran
    The Sensation in Homeoopathy
    For more information:
    Go to www.marinnaturopathicmedicine.com and click on “Homeopathy”
    Read Sankaran’s book, The Other Song: Discovering Your Parallel Self
    Summary: Radical Medicine goes to the roots of disease (diagnosis) and uses effective methods (treatment) to attain optimal health. It’s the terrain (immune system) – not the bug (bacteria, virus, fungus, etc.). (Bernard & Bechamp, 1800s)

  • Rough Week

    This past week has been a rough one for our little family and household. My obsessive compulsive brain has gone over the details again and again and yet again of the events that transpired, the words that were said but most of all the emotions that were felt. Initially my conclusions were that 2+2 did NOT = 4. It kept coming out at 7 or 3 or 5. That always bothers me. Until action, reaction, and the resulting emotional response = something that makes sense in any context it’s like a puzzle that a couple of pieces have been lost from.  So I searched for pieces. Prayed for wisdom, for understanding, for clarity of thought.

    I don’t pretend to fully understand what happened. The situation is still baffling to me and has gone down as one of the most bizarre roller coaster rides I’ve ever seen or been on. But, instead of being completely frustrated with no answers as to why the impact was as great as it was on all parties, something at least makes sense now. As an accomplished manipulator (yeah yeah, I’m coming clean about that) if I had attempted to hurt all of the individuals that were involved in this I could not have come up with a more perfect scenario. Previous experiences in multiple peoples lives, still tender wounds of broken trust, broken friendship, sensitivities from things that we had considered part of our past lives, vulnerabilities in areas most of us would have never admitted to having and perhaps did not even know we had took a bigger toll than anybody could have ever anticipated. While this in no way negates taking personal responsibility for actions or reactions however inappropriate or extreme it does help make the 2+2 come closer to = 4. Close enough that my mind can start to let it go, let it rest and become part of the past instead of so very much in our present.

    Never have I ever seen God so directly use a situation that involved individuals outside of our family in such a negative context to so greatly positively impact us as a couple. Strange as it is to say, it is absolutely true. God used parts of what happened in our home, literally under our noses as a mirror to reflect back some things in ourselves that were not pleasant. It was humbling. It was painful. It was real. It was crucial. I am so very grateful for that. For such a “hands on” way to experience God’s working something to our good and His glory. That does not happen in such an immediate way very often in my life.

    Love. Forgiveness. Grace. Trust. Freedom. Love. Not feelings but actions. Translating these concepts from the realm of feelings into the reality of actions is a lot harder than it sounds like it would be. I am learning. And ever so grateful for the people in my life. And especially grateful for my husband. The man I married is unashamedly tenderhearted and it is a characteristic that never ceases to humble me and fill me with thankfulness. I so clearly remember being on my face before God, begging Him to show me beyond all shadow of a doubt whether or not this was the man I was to marry, if this was truly His will for me or simply my own desires and emotions. The answer was crystal clear then and now, almost five years later is even more clear. If I could go back in time, knowing what I know now, the short comings, hardships, frustrations and hurts that would be to come there would be no second guessing or hesitation…I would choose to be his wife again in a heartbeat knowing it would be the best thing that has ever happened to me.

    A heads up to our frequent company. Part of the fall out of this situation is the advent of “House Rules” for our home that our guests and ourselves will abide by. This isn’t something we’ve ever felt the need to have in our home before but, it’s not a bad idea under any circumstances. Better late than never eh?   The first two drafts have had me giggling helplessly at how hilarious and extreme sounding some of the rules are, stuff one would never think would need to be put into writing. I can just see a single guy reading them and thinking “Wow, what is this deal with no suggestive or romantic bodily contact unless officially interested in a relationship or engaged??? These people are so weird.” Well, yes, we are. <ahem> And by many standards hyper sensitive. But, we have good reason for some of the weird rules. For example: “If you are a wonderfully helpful person and choose to pitch in and do dishes please do not use dish detergent on the cast iron” and if nothing else might provide some humor to what would otherwise be a very dry and boring list indeed.

    Enough word processing for me. Back to my busy busy day.

  • Relationship and Communications

    One of the things I love about our lives is the semi constant comings and goings of various friends, family, employees and acquaintances through our home.  It keeps us busy, it keeps us entertained, it reminds us how blessed we are.  Semi constant contact with people of all types an all walks of life can also be humbling and stressful. We love and appreciate the guests that come through and completely make themselves at home and integrate themselves into whatever craziness is currently going on around here.

    Recently I’ve had to come face to face with an old nemesis of mine: Challenging situations and the resulting require communications. This is not a difficult thing when it involves people that I have zero personal investment in. When it involves people I love it gets a lot harder.  Especially when clear answers to difficulties and challenges are not forthcoming and there is just a vague sense of indefinable frustration.  Frustration in communications is something Noelle is learning a lot about these days.  Her vocabulary is far more extensive than her ability to actually clearly differentiate between words. Something I’ve learned from her has really been sinking in to me lately.  She doesn’t give up. What she lacks in skill she more than makes up in determination. If it requires taking an adult by the hand, dragging them to the object of discussion after several minutes of sheer frustration on her part she is always willing to do whatever it takes to make sure her point is made. I am beginning to think that it is a shame that we have lost that tenacious persistence in communication as adults. When we no longer have to work hard to get across the most basic of concepts we become more and more lazy as time goes by. If a first or second or even third attempt at communicating a difficult concept or situation falls flat we all too often walk away saying “I tried, I more than tried and it is just not worth it. I have better things to do in my life.” 

    There are not many people I care enough about to go back to the fourth, fifth or even sixth time but I’m learning. It’s harder to take adults by the hand and show them an emotion, or take them back in time to explain a situation than it is to drag Mommy to the cabinet to show her the craisins that sound exactly like raisins when pronounced by a two year old. But maybe, just maybe, in some situations it’s worth the effort and energy expended. I’m giving the theory a shot anyway.

    In other news my latest TV Show obsession is Leverage. Very cool series. Replaces House and Monk in my book.

  • Word Flurry

    Since the advent of facebook in my life my poor blog has been woefully neglected as I’ve commented on in my last few sporadic postings on xanga.

    Soooo. Some general updates on us.

    - We are in the process of being approved for an adoption.  This first Adoption will be domestic, likely a baby from here in TN and very likely a minority. The process is a lot longer and definitely more involved than we had originally anticipated. We have two training classes yet to go, three group meetings, a psych evaluation, full physicals, background check and finger printing still to go before they can actually even do the official home visit. Oh, plus a huge pile of paperwork that I had started filling out but has been missing since our massive clean up due to putting the house we live in on the market whiiiich leads into the next update….

    - Our house is currently on the market. In this economy it is likely not going to sell and to be honest that will be a relief at this point.  The stress of juggling business, finding a new place to purchase and move to, and adoption all at the same time is more overwhelming than I can contemplate at the moment. We have a few more weeks to keep it on the market and then will gratefully take it down and will probably try again next year when the timing is better. If, and when it sells we plan to purchase a property not too far from where we are that has a lot less house and a lot more land. I still have a yearning to do little hobby farming things like hens for fresh eggs and maybe a beef cow or two. 

    - Noelle is a super smart two year old that chatters incessantly these days.  Her sweet, passionate, dramatic and highly intelligent personality never fails to keep us on our toes.  She is a child growing up in an adults world.  She is very ready for a brother and sister and is totally enamored with anything “baby”  Caring for her baby dolls takes up a big portion of her day and one of her tasks when she goes to bed is to make sure her babies are tucked in and warm as she goes to sleep with them.

    - I turned 27 years old in June. I look more like I am 37 which I attribute to my extensive maturity (yes, that is your cue to laugh hysterically =D) I am a much more open person than I used to be. Definitely a lot more confident. I read through very old blog posts from before I got married and wonder where the ditzy blond has gone.  People who meet me today have no clue I used to be a complete space cadet. I passionately love our life. I feel as though we are on a journey to becoming who we really want to be.  Seems a silly thing attempt to express in words but I have come to the conclusion in recent days that I have lived my life in reaction to what life dishes out to me almost my entire life. It is incredibly freeing to truly grasp the concept that I CAN be whoever and whatever I want to be, it is simply a matter of carefully counting the cost, making a decision and then pursuing the idea/dream/goal and paying the sacrifices along the way that are required. It is such a joy to discover anew that systematically discussing and making pro-active life decisions, problem solving and fighting for our goals together brings enjoyment to Steve and I. Having a husband that can be so much on the same page with finances, general life philosophies, child raising techniques and ideas, doctrine (or the lack of it lol).  I don’t think I will ever cease to be grateful for a man that has the ability, willingness and desire to talk all things that pertain to our life together. From the grocery budget, to what I want to wear or not wear, what educational philosophy we are going to choose for our kids, to how the business is run and what direction the company goes in he listens and genuinely respects my point of view.  THAT is absolutely priceless in my book.

    - Steve and I celebrated four years of marriage in May. A lot of big stuff has happened in four years. Got married, moved cross country, Two jobs obtained and quit, business started from scratch with business partners, multiple miscarriages, baby born, cross country move, business partners bought out and becoming sole owners/managers of the business, hirings, growth, losing valued relationships, hirings, trainings, growth, live in guests almost the whole time, and most recently another baby lost.  People said the first year would be the hardest. It wasn’t for us. In some ways every subsequent year has been harder for our marriage, new and deeper challenges to deal with. Learning the deeper levels of the other person and experiencing the days where nothing is what you expected life to be and stress levels are beyond high. Don’t think the learning curve ever stops in marriage. The relatively concentrated pain and stress we have experienced in our short years of marriage have compelled us into treasuring and working for each other where it would be all too easy to take each other for granted when walking an easier path in life. At the end of four years I can say that my confidence in who he is, the absolute trust I have in him, the respect he earns anew from me every day, and the love that I felt when I married him have all increased by leaps and bounds. It is the rare woman that can genuinely on every level of life respect the man she married after going through several of life’s knock downs and I am humbled and grateful to count myself among them.

    The early morning is slipping away through my finger tips and the caffeine from the too late at night hot tea I indulged in is wearing off. Time for me to slip into bed with my husband and catch a few hours sleep. Busy Saturday tomorrow, business meetings all day and overnight company coming in the afternoon. I love sweet times of fellowship with friends! We have been so blessed with the diverse yet very genuine friends God has brought into our lives.

    Until the next time the urge to write catches up with me…G’night.

  • Christmas 2008


    Our little family is spending a toasty warm Christmas here in the middle of freezing cold weather in MO.  Enjoying a very laid back and relaxing time of food, talking and fellowship.

    May you and those you love have a Christmas filled with love, peace and Joy!

  • Zipzangboom and Summer is gone!

    Wow, where has this summer gone?

    I have been meaning to post for weeks now but every time I make the time to do it something interrupts or I draw a complete blank as to what I should write about.

    First the news: I had a very small garden this summer. And I didn’t kill it. At least not right away. There are still a handful of tomato’s valiantly producing in spite of some pesky ground dwelling critters determination to eat their roots. I now have a flat full of seedlings that are going to soon need homes in the ground and they will hopefully become my fall garden. Learning to garden is quite the joy to me especially when I calculate how much money I am saving growing my very own organic veggies vs. purchasing them.

    Noelle has become quite the industrious/destructive toddler depending on how much guidance and direction she is being given. Her ability to understand multi step instructions and follow through on jobs like picking up all the dirty clothes off the floor, or unload the dryer into the basket for Mommy and a myriad of other tasks through the day amazes me. Her vocabulary continues to grow and occasionally she surprises me with a complete and understandable phrase.

    I feel as though I have officially become one of those hippy earth Mama’s you see walking around in the health food stores. All I need now is the tie dyed T-shirt, swishy skirt and dreadlocks…Haha, just kidding. Haven’t gone THAT far over the deep end yet! This metamorphosis was made complete with the purchase of several pairs of Baby Legs for Noelle to wear this winter. Since I am cloth diapering many of the pants/blue jeans are not cut full enough to accommodate them so her winter wardrobe is going to mostly consist of long sleeved onesies with the adorable leggings below. They will also go really well with some of her cute dresses to keep her legs warm in cold weather. She is thankfully quite the hot natured little chica so I think the one layer of leggings is going to keep her quite toasty. Besides they look so cute sticking out of the Ergo! Nothing makes me feel crunchier than when I am carrying our cloth diapered daughter strapped to my back in the Ergo, in the kitchen while making bread from freshly ground wheat. Boy, have I come a LONG way!

    Steve and I continue to stay incredibly busy. A new business venture this summer has taken up what little bit of spare time we thought we had before. We have a new catalog scheduled to come out in October for Beeyoutiful which means I need to get seriously busy and start organizing all the misc. components that need to be put together for the designer to work on. We also have several new products in the pipeline which is always fun but slightly stressful trying to make sure they are on board before their promised due dates in the catalog. Most days I wish there were three of me to get done everything that I need to do, and would like to do in the course of an average day.

    I am looking forward to the cooler, crisp days of fall and the colors changing on the trees. We are seeing the first tinges of yellows and reds start to appear. Well, I should close for now. Had some super strong black coffee as a special treat after supper tonight and surprise surprise! Haven’t been able to sleep. The ol’ eye lids are starting to droop though so I had better get what little sleep I can before tomorrow’s busy day. Will try to be more faithful to come back and post! Unfortunately Facebook has taken up my on-line socialization time much to the neglect of poor ol’ Xanga. If you wish to get better, more frequent updates about what we are up to in our lives you need to join facebook! :D

    Xanga is still my favorite though so I will be back. The novelty of facebook will wear off soon I’m sure, but the convenience factor will always be a draw.