Steve’s brother Paul, his wife Stephanie (Yes, both brothers married Stephanie’s!) and their adorable five month old daughter Amanda are visiting with us this week.  This was our first time of meeting Amanda and the first time we have really gotten to spend time with Paul and Steph since we were married two years ago.  It has been really great.

Paul, Steph and Amanda Tallent at Opry Land Hotel

Steve, myself and Noelle at Opryland.  We were celebrating my birthday and Paul and Steph’s Anniversary at the same time. 

Proud Papa’s.  Paul and Steve just adore their little girls.  Steph and I got a kick watching them proudly walk around with them collecting comments on their cuteness from the admiring public.  They were wonderful and carried the girls all over the mall and hotel for us.

Our little niece Amanda is just so CUTE!  She has the most brilliant blue eyes and jolly personality.  We are hoping that Noelle is half as much fun when she gets a little bit older.  Isn’t her hair amazing?  Noelle looks bald next to her.

Noelle hanging out on a Cafeteria table. 

Tomorrow we are going boating on the TN river.  That is going to be interesting with two babies in tow.  Pass the sunscreen!

25 years old.  Wow.  My very own personal “old” age number.  I believe everyone has a certain age in their minds that they consider officially old or officially in the realm of true adulthood.  Mine has always been 25.  Now that I have obtained this previously thought of as lofty age I should be able to look back at my life and marvel at how much has been accomplished, or how much I’ve learned, or matured, or what a great perspective on life I now have.  Unfortunately I can’t do any of that.  Reflecting on my past is not something I like to do.  It’s filled with a lot of hurts, regrets, frustrations, confusion and costly mistakes.  I’d like to say that I am now more mature due to these experiences.  Unfortunately I can’t.  I feel less mature right now than I did at 18.  There is a general feeling of having “regressed” rather than progressed. 

I have been blessed to have been able to have a broad range of unique experiences in 25 years.  The ultimate being the blessing and job of becoming a Wife and Mom.   There is nothing more satisfying and at the same time terrifying.  Now my mistakes and fumblings in life directly affect two people instead of just myself.  This awareness is overwhelming and constant.  Now more than ever I need my dear Lord’s strength and wisdom to just handle the simple task of living day by day.

Our precious little one is asleep.  My heart swells with love as I look at her sweet face until it hurts and tears fill my eyes.  She is the ultimate gift.  I remember when I found out that I was pregnant with her.  Instead of there being any hope, or joy at the news I instead broke down crying in hurt, frustration and anger at God.  Why would God do this to me?  The Dr.’s had not been able to find a cause for our previous miscarriages and I had no hope that this pregnancy would make it to term any more than any of the others had.   I had shut hope out of my mind because it hurt too much.  Even after the dreaded first trimester was over I couldn’t fully grasp on an emotional level that we really were going to have a baby.  As my body undeniably changed and I felt her energetic movements some small part of me still held back fearing that something bad was going to happen and it would all disappear again.   Not until I  held her in my arms moments after her birth and looked into her big, bright and alert eyes calmly gazing into mine did I truly accept the reality of what God had  done for us.  She is not “ours” in the sense of ownership.  No, we have simply been allowed the honor and privilege of providing love, care and training for her until she is old enough to step out completely into her own independent life.  I’ll cry when the time comes to completely let her go but it’ll be tears of joy and thankfulness as well as loss.  Until then I’m going to enjoy every moment that I can.  Even the frustrating ones!

It has been a peaceful and lovely birthday.    Time to join Doodlebug in slumber.

Thank you God for our wonderful Babe.  Thank you for showering us with your many undeserved blessings.  Thank you for the hard days, the stresses, the anxieties and even fears.  Keep us in total reliance upon You.  Give us wisdom, love, compassion and understanding.  Please guide and protect me during this next year of my life.  Protect me from myself, help teach me to set a watch upon my mouth and to learn to control my tongue.  Thank you for the wonderful and most amazing man in the world that you have given as my husband.  Thank you for the special little one you have put in our lives.  Give us wisdom and patience as she grows up.  Especially on those days when we have no idea what to do!  Thank You for being the God that You are.  I am humbled by Your love and grace.  Teach me gratefulness even for the hard and awful times and remind me that You work all things to our good.  Remind me to rest and enjoy the beautiful days.

Signed,
You know who

PS Thanks for the rain.  We really needed it! 

 Our little Doodlebug sleeping.

Her self satisfied look.

Noelle and I.  She was just adorable in her fluffy little pink flowered dress.  Unfortunately she was also cranky most of the wedding day!

Bryan and Dad at the Rehearsal Dinner

My brothers Luke, and Joseph.  I could not BELIEVE how HUGE they have gotten since I’ve been gone! Luke (top step) now weighs 200 lbs.    So much for them being my “little” brothers.

Dad and Mom at the Wedding Rehearsal

Mr. and Mrs. Bryan Walker!! 

Bryan and Amanda’s wedding was just as lovely as we all anticipated it being.  Unfortunately we didn’t get any really good pictures of the handsome couple.  Steve manned the camera which was not a good thing as far as wedding pictures go because he was far more focused on taking pictures of his baby girl than of the wedding party or the bride and groom.   Still, he did manage to snap a couple although they are blurry and out of focus.

Amanda was just gorgeous.  Her dress was so elegant and she looked like a model.

The happy couple. 

Noelle meeting her Great-Grandaddy Rafe Roberts for the first time.

He said she is just beautiful and that the guys had better wat ch out in a few years!

Great-Grandmother “Granny” Alma Roberts holding/meeting her for the first time.

Great-Grandparents Bill and Joyce Walker

Handsome Uncle John Walker

My Dad, the new Grandaddy Walker.  Doesn’t he look great?

My Mom, the new Grandma Walker.  She looked just beautiful!!

Noelle and her Great-Grandma Tallent

Steve trying to catch just a few more minutes of sleep while Noelle waits not so patiently for him to wake up and entertain her. lol

Today is going to be a HUGE day for her.  She is going to meet a veritable mob of adoring family and friends.  She got to meet her Walker Grand-Parents and Uncles last night.  Thankfully she is a very laid back baby that didn’t mind being shuttled around like a miniature celebrity with cameras going off every few minutes.

Off to get ready for the wedding!  Bryan and Amanda are a really cute couple.  I know she is going to look fantastic and their wedding is going to be gorgeous.  Can’t wait!

Ya’ll remember Dory on Finding Nemo?  The part where she annoyingly sings “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming” like a little mantra or something. 

Well, I’m with Dory lately.  Feels like I’m just barely able to keep my head above the “water” of everything going on in our lives.  Overwhelmed is an understatement.  I need about ten more arms and days that are a week long instead of just 24 hours.   Oh, and a body that didn’t get physically, mentally and emotionally tired would be nice too.

We are leaving tomorrow to drive down to GA for my brothers wedding.  It’s a six hour road trip which should be no big deal for Noelle since coming cross country!  A few days after we get back from the wedding we are flying to Chicago for a sort of last minute business meeting with our main manufacturer.  A week after we get back from Chicago we have out of town company coming to stay for a week.  <sigh>  It’s not that big of a deal and is all very survivable and easily “doable” just for some reason completely overwhelms me to think about right now.

In the meantime the moving truck is still not completely unloaded.  Apparently the box with my cooking pots and pans was the very FIRST to be put on the truck meaning it’s STILL not unpacked and all I have to cook with are two iron skillets.  One small and one medium sized.   Been interesting trying to keep everybody even semi fed with semi balanced meals!  I am embarrassed to think of how many times we have resorted to eating out the past couple of weeks.  No wonder these remaining baby pounds are not going anywhere! 

It’s frustrating for me to be gone traveling so much with knowing how much there is to do here just to get this place even semi settled.  Just trying to find appropriate clothes for this trip has been a challenge.  Between which boxes are still buried and which clothes I can actually fit into I’ve had to get super creative.  I’m starting to think I should sadly bid a fond farewell to my size 6 clothes.  Suspect I’ll never get comfortably back into them.

Noelle, Steve and I all went to a *wonderful* chiropractor.  She’s really good.  Steve is almost 100% better.  Noelle’s occasional colic is significantly improved and my hip doesn’t hurt anymore!    We are all planning on going back on a regular basis to kinda make sure everything stays in good working order.  Noelle has had two adjustments thus far.  Her little head was apparently bent over sideways during the very long labor so she worked on adjusting that and then also did a second “colic” adjustment a few days later.

I picked up our raw “pet” milk for the first time today.  Brought it home and made everybody try some.  It’s absolutely amazing to me how tasteless this milk is.  No strong odors or strong “milk” flavor to it at all.  Just pure, mild, creamy delicious milk.  Very, very different from even the organic milk I’ve purchased from the store in the past.  

This Amish community is really special.  Ran into a lady today while buying bread from this one Amish families little bake shop that really irritated me.   She kept asking about “Those people” and kept wondering in a loud voice if they would get angry with her if she knocked on their door etc etc etc.  The way she spoke about them you would think they were space aliens that might morph into some deadly creature at a moments notice.  Just bothered me that she obviously viewed them as “freaks” and not human beings just like us who have chosen a different culture and lifestyle from what we are used to.

Well, so much for getting packed tonight.  Need to go start another load of clothes and then head to bed and try not to think about all that I have left undone.  I think I’ll sing myself to sleep with “Just keep swimming…Just keep swimming…”